My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
there is another microwave in the elevator.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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