Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You did what with his pubic hair?
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