Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i now understand why vodka
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
