someone get that fucking seahorse.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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