I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing