On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.