It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.