just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.