Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
