woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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