Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
