For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
