It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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