This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
