I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
