im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
