I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
