dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
