I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
