My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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