you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
