Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All the doctor said was why
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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