Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
