I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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