does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
