i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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