Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
