So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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