Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
