Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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