Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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