I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
