I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
