Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
