so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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