its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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