My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
