Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
