closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
