He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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