Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
