I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
