I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dicks are not precious.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
