brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
