i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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