hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
