Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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