I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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