Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
