just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
