sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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