Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
