Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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