I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
