I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
