Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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