i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
