he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
