I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
