I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
