We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
