Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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