from now on my penis is your penis
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
