Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
