There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish you could order shots online.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
