I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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