oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
