I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
