So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
