my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
