I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
