I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
