This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize