i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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