I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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