I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
