I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
