I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
